Those scandalous musicians today…
My name’s Dale. I’m a junior at the local private college in town.
This morning my pa bailed me out of jail.
He wasn’t saying anything as we walked to his car, but once we were safely in the car he asked the question. “Dale,” he asked, “why did I just have to bail you out of jail? You were just going to a concert – a Miley Cyrus concert, of all things – and next thing I know you’re under arrest?”
I guess I should backtrack a bit and explain how I ended up at a Miley Cyrus concert in the first place. My pa makes good money, so I was able to get into the fraternity at college. There’s a guy named George in the fraternity also. While my pa makes good money, George’s pa makes REALLY good money. So even though George was only a freshman, and a bit of a jerk at that, we let him into the fraternity anyway. He’s happy because he gets all the beer he can drink even though he’s underage, and the rest of us are happy because George gets all these goodies from his pa.
One day George came into the house and announced that his pa had tickets to the Miley Cyrus concert. Initially I wasn’t impressed because I didn’t want to hear Disney music. But my friend Mick pointed out that Miley Cyrus had gone beyond that, and that she did sexy dances at some TV awards show and did her videos naked. Well, that perked me up, so we all planned to go to the show.
On the day of the concert, we all gathered in the house to wait for the limos. George’s pa owned a limo service. We had a beer while we were waiting. OK, maybe we had a few beers.
The limos took us to the concert, and we discovered that George’s pa had gotten us front row seats. Well, when you consider that George’s pa’s company is on the name of the new sports arena, it stands to reason that he’d be able to score good seats for his youngest son and his friends.
So we were sitting in the front row, laughing, having a good time and ignoring the opening act. After a while, the Miley Cyrus part of the concert started. And maybe I had a few, but to me she looked really good. She started singing some ridiculous song, but Mick and George and I were waiting for the REAL show to start. Mick had sworn that Miley was going to dance naked, and she was doing nothing of the sort yet.
Like I said, I had drank a few beers before the show – well, maybe more than a few – so apparently I began loudly demanding that Miley get on with the show. Or, as the subsequent police report phrased it, “Mr. Smith loudly demanded that Ms. Cyrus disrobe, disrupting other concert attendees.” Well, that’s what the police report said. I don’t really remember. Mick and George said that I was standing up and screaming, and that people began throwing things at me. Like I say, I can’t remember.
Well, according to the police report, the next thing that I did was to try to get onstage to air my demands that Ms. Cyrus take her clothes off like she did in the video.
That’s when I was arrested.
That’s the story that I told to my pa – the whole thing – and I waited to see what would happen next. My head was throbbing, so I wanted to get the whole thing over with.
To my surprise, my pa started laughing.
“Dale,” he said to me with a grin on his face, “did I ever tell you the story about how I got banned from the OLD sports arena for life after the 1992 Madonna concert? You know, back when she had that sex book and all that?”